Core Concepts of M/s Relations
In an M/s relationship, the Master consensually owns the slave in the same way he owns a cherished pet. With the acceptance of her permanent collar, the slave and Master enter an exchange of total obedience and service on the slave’s part and responsibility for emotional, physical, social, spiritual and financial well-being on the Owner/Master’s part.
This section expresses how the slave will learn the level of obedience and service that is required. As with all areas of mastery, the slave’s mastery of her role within a Master/slave relationship is based upon:
Through consistent use, the protocols in this book are intended – through focus – to produce the mindset I seek in my slave.
The Nature of Our Relationship
The principal activity of this slave is the exchange of services in return for structure, security and direction. For the sake of public appearances outside of the Community, my slave will be referred to as my “Personal Assistant.” Personal Assistant is the term used to describe a female butler who also serves as an executive secretary and valet.
Dr. Robert Rubel has said the slave’s overriding requirements are:
To obey My instructions;
To anticipate and solve My problems;
To serve with grace and elegance.
Generally, the slave is to gain such skills as to be able to bring me:
- Formal personal service at table and throughout the day;
- Sexual pleasure orally, vaginally, anally and manually;
- Evening entertainment pleasure through music or reading aloud;
- Social entertainment through dancing;
- Visual pleasure through the slave’s physical appearance both clothed and naked; and
- Sensual pleasure through use of perfumes and scents.
Honesty, Dedication, Punctuality and Sprezzatura
Rubel has also suggested three base concepts that he expects his submissives to embrace. There is also a fourth which is referenced below:
- Honesty – clearly a submissive should be honest. Emotionally and factually.
- Dedication – a submissive must truly desire to serve and wish to succeed at submission.
- Punctuality – a submissive must be on time, and see to all matters she is assigned in a timely fashion. Not being punctual suggests a lack of regard for and value of others.
- Sprezzatura – an Italian term meaning “effortless technique.” It is not enough to simply obey. Like a geisha, a submissive must infuse every movement, every action with grace and elegance, making everything that the submissive does seem smooth and effortless. This is not only attractive, but also humble as it does not attract extra attention to the submissive’s labors. The slave will view this concept as the byword, the key concept, underlying all actions. In this Household, everything is to look effortless; meals are to come together on time and perfectly. True mastery is often evinced by the apparent ease with which the practitioner carries out a function or task. I expect the slave to be so competent at tasks that others observing will not see or be distracted by the work or effort involved.
Four Concepts: Identity, Obedience, Transparency, Humility
In Guy Baldwin’s book Slavecraft, the essay author identifies four principles of slavery. These have become popular and widely used concepts.
The concept of Identity is a focus on one’s identification as a submissive. To some extent, this is the identification of the part of the person who is submissive which makes them crave control and want to submit.
- Each submissive builds his or her own “submissive identity.” There is no universal identity no one “right way” to be a submissive.
- Communication is important. Even if a Dominant cannot know, understand, and experience everything the submissive experiences, it is the Dominant’s duty to provide a safe place for the submissive to grow and learn, and ideally to learn enough about the submissive to help them on the path. That cannot occur without good communication, and focus.
A submissive should generally radiate a quiet, and obedient demeanor.
- She should appear generally cheery or neutral. She should not scowl, frown, knit her brows as if puzzling or other actions which draw excessive attention to her attitude. If she is unhappy in Public, Low, or Club protocol, then the reason for this should be addressed directly. “Sir, she is unhappy because…” In Formal or High protocol she should exhibit a resilience and exhibit a cheerful or serious resignation to her situation. If there is a problem serious enough to require addressing in Formal or High Protocol, she should Present and address the issue quietly, directly and seriously, or use the safeword “Yellow.”
- In Any Protocol She should not give displays of anger or moodiness, or in any way act disruptive. She should not display by tone, body language, or expression her disagreement with, evaluation of, or lack of earnest acceptance of any order. If she has questions about her orders she should express them immediately and directly.
- In Any Protocol she should not delay beginning any action, but begin immediately after acknowledging the command.
- In Any Protocol she should avoid judgment or criticism. In general she should avoid introducing gossip or other personal issues into scene conversation.
- In Any Protocol aside from Social, she is welcome to take up any complaint with Sir, but he should never hear of or witness her complaining in front of anyone else.
“Obedience is the process of aligning one’s behavior with the expectations of another. In a Master/slave relationship, this translates into the process of the slave learning to align her behavior with the expectations of her Master. Obedience is an outward expression of the slave’s ability to integrate her trust in and respect for her Master and her belief that he not only knows her well enough to know her best interests, but that he also loves her enough to consistently act on them.”Simply Service, Vol. 1, Num. 1
Transparency is the concept that in order to serve the submissive must hide nothing from the Dominant. In limited service, we understand that the submissive must hold back quite a lot of personal information. To submit in a limited way is not to give one’s Dominant carte blanche with one’s personal history.
Our focus on transparency is emotional transparency and transparency of the moment. The submissive must be prepared at all times to provide a clear, “transparent” window into the workings of their mind and emotions at that given point.
To have humility is to be humble. To be truly humble is not a matter of acting downcast, it is a state of mind. A humble person is open and accepting. They understand they are not perfect, and that they have much to learn. They are eager and ready to be shown things and experience things that they have not before, and they have gratitude for what they are shown or given.
Humility is not the opposite of Pride. The opposite of Pride is a lack of self-respect, and that is not a good quality for a submissive to have. A submissive may be proud of themselves, may be proud of their performance of their duties or of how their Mistress values them. Humility is a balance to pride.
Humility is a trait which should be present, balanced with pride in Dominants as well as submissives. Every Dominant should appreciate that they have much to learn and be grateful for those opportunities that are made available to them to learn.
Four Character Requirements
The following are additional personal requirements for a submissive’s character:
- Complete Honesty – Lying will immediately and irrevocably terminate our relationship.
- Open Communication – You will make decisions when permitted. I will ask how you feel regarding certain actions. Be forthcoming.
- Sincere Respect – You will surrender to my will and rule, absolute and unconditional. Everything you do or say is a reflection of me. Your duties are to exhibit exquisite beauty and absolute obedience. Your only purpose is to serve and please. You will never be harmed or disrespected by me, or anyone else.
- Bold Attentiveness – Your behavior should reflect your attentiveness to my needs and desires at all times. Your role is to serve those needs and desires. It is your job to ensure that my comforts are served by making any and all appropriate arrangements to make my life easy.
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”Emily Post
Similarly, it is your joyful task to demonstrate, through your attitude and demeanor, that my needs come first. By demonstrating this behavior you are conveying respect and genuine sincerity in your service. Your ability to devotedly serve me is a standard by which others will judge you AND me. Not only will your attentiveness please me, but it will impress those you meet. In other words, you will be a Maenad who I am proud to own, collar and one who others will believe is worth collaring.
Distinction Between D/s and M/s
As Master Skip Chasey and Master Steve Sampson point out, D/s (Dominance and submission) is anchored in the mental body; D/s involves power exchange and is usually time-delimited. M/s is anchored in the spiritual body; M/s involves authority exchange and is a way of being. Power exchange is used during a scene or during the time when the D/s couple is together; M/s is a lifestyle choice and behaviors continue even when the Master and slave are not together. I will explain the power dynamics of these relationships in more detail below.
The Nature of a slave
A slave is a man or woman who has a special heart – a heart that requires a connection with another person in order to find completeness in their life. A person is born with slave heart – he cannot be “made” into a slave nor can wishing to be one bring it about. It is a natural state. A slave may actualize their destiny by choosing to live in obedience to another person’s will and to serve that person – their Master or Mistress – in obedience. Most slaves are very bright and capable, and they may make many decisions every day affecting other people, large sums of money, important projects, and so on. But slaves generally do not make decisions easily or well that concern themselves, and that is one of the reasons they seek a Master- to form that point of centeredness from which to live their lives.
Someone may have “heart of slave” and be on a journey toward actualizing their destiny without yet having found the Master their heart tells them to give their life to. And others may feel drawn toward slavery but not yet know their hearts. For simplicity, all of the above will be referred to as “slave” in this protocol.
Once a slave truly understands that their existence is more complete and fulfilled in being obedient, everything else falls into place. A slave speaks in order to convey requested information or to request information about the Master’s intentions. A slave eats, sleeps, washes, exercises, takes medication, and so on in order to remain healthy and available for service. slaves labor at tasks assigned by their Master or hold an outside job so that they can contribute to the Master’s household and not be a financial burden. Anything a slave is allowed to do for personal gratification is a gift from their Master, not a right. When this aspect of slave heart is realized, slaves start to find peace in their lives.
If you indeed have a slave heart, you will not feel comfortable in a relationship that does not respect that authority exchange.
Distinction Between “Power Exchange” and “Authority Exchange”
When the Dom accepts power from the submissive and the submissive gives up power to the Dom, this is referred to as a power exchange. When the submissive is away from the Dominant, she is free to resume control of her world. This is not so with authority exchange.
Authority exchange is the basis of an M/s (Master/slave) relationship. The slave permanently (or at least during the contract period) gives up authority over him/herself to the Master. “What kind of authority?” you ask. The authority to make willful decisions. For example, depending upon the structure of the relationship, it can mean that the slave no longer controls decisions about how to use time or money. Authority does NOT change hands when the slave is out of contact with her Master. It’s a core concept of the M/s dynamic and one of the reasons it is so crucial to delineate the boundaries of the relationship during contract negotiations. You get what you negotiate. If the slave needs to maintain authority over a particular area of her life, this must be spelled out before either the Master or slave can honestly enter the agreement. Provisions should always be made in the contract for renegotiations when unforeseen situations arise and to allow for growth of the relationship.
Who is this slave?
The slave is a person whose personal identity and sense of self is fulfilled through service and obedience to another person. To resonate in this relationship, the slave consents to give up extensive personal freedoms in exchange for extraordinary protection.
Now, the next question is: “Okay, but what rights does the slave have?” The answer depends upon your unique relationship:
- The slave has certain (negotiated) rights regarding its biological family;
- The slave has the right to bring to Master’s attention an act he is about to do (or has done) that is illegal, unethical, or physically or emotionally abusive; and,
- The slave has the right to terminate and leave the relationship.
Beyond that, though, the slave has only those rights that have been granted by Master. The slave does not have the right to be upset by an order or Instruction. However, the slave has the right to ask for clarification, or to point out why that order or Instruction may not get the result Master seeks.
Again, while such practices vary between couples, the slave may not have the right even to prepare personal drinks or foods without first asking permission. In a general sense, the slave’s whole reason for being is to make Master’s life run more smoothly, ordered, and efficient. To the extent that the slave’s purpose in doing anything is personal and not for Master, that poses a direct conflict with the slave’s reason for being.
Now, don’t lose track of the fact that Master is responsible for the slave’s continuing growth and development. In that light, Master must temper what is asked of the slave, to ensure that it is – at heart – congruent with the goals and intentions of their M/s relationship.
The slave has no prima fascia right to make time demands of Master – but, it’s hard to imagine a successful M/s relationship wherein Master largely ignores the slave’s requests. That said, in a general sense, the slave has no personal time unless Master grants it.
This slave is NOT Master’s “girlfriend.” A “girlfriend” is a person with the same rights and responsibilities as her partner; the slave is property and has only those rights given her by her Master. A “girlfriend” might say: “Hey, I want to go see this movie. Let’s go out to dinner and catch the show.” The slave will say: “Master, if it pleases you, Sir, there is a movie I think you would enjoy. May I have permission to describe it to you?”
Loving a slave
There is quite an active controversy within the M/s movement about the role of “love.” On the one hand, some Masters take the position that “love” contaminates the M/s dynamic because Master can never be sure whether the slave is complying with a request/Instruction out of love or out of obedience. Since obedience is the core of the M/s dynamic, Master would lose the capacity to monitor the slave’s core reactions.
On the flip side, many Masters feel that if they’re going to put all the time and effort into training a slave with whom they will spend lots of time, they want to be submerged in a loving relationship with that person. But a loving relationship is not necessarily a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, and the Master may want to carefully consider whether to suppress the tendency for slaves to think of their Master as their “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” “Girlfriend/boyfriend” relationships belong to the Vanilla World along with other family members (especially children}, and do not involve the authority or power exchanges inherent in D/s and M/s relationships.
There can be substantial differences between “the Master’s love” and “the slave’s love.” The Master is more likely to love the slave than be “in love” with the slave. However, the slave will probably fall “in love” with Master. It may be useful to discuss different forms of love with a prospective slave, lest they confuse your relationship.
How is this slave to think of herself?
A slave’s reference to herself is understood to mean the part of her Master, or her Master’s property, that consists of the slave’s body, mind, and spirit. When a slave says (or writes) “i,” it refers to the body and energies of the slave, but not her will, which as long as she is in service is obedient to that of her Master. When a slave says “my” or “mine,” it means that part of the Master’s property that is in the slave’s keeping or stewardship – except, of course, in the phrases “my Master,” “my slave brother or sister,” or “my slavery” (the only thing that truly belongs to a slave).
Master is responsible for the slave’s mental, physical, social, financial, and spiritual well-being. Master is responsible always to do what is for the highest good of the slave. A Master is responsible for the slave’s welfare, I therefore instruct her to meet her obligations to her biological family.
In the larger sense, Master will behave as what Master Skip Chasey calls a “Servant Master” with respect to his slaves, in essence serving them in many ways, so that they are best able to follow their inner Natures as they develop and mature. Being the Master in an M/s relationship involves a lot of hard work. Much of the Master’s role is to support the slave’s own personal growth at the same time that he trains the slave to serve him perfectly. We do everything we can to better understand ourselves and better to understand and communicate with one another, in addition to honing and developing our skills and abilities.
In this relationship, Protocols represent an important means to demonstrate service and obedience on a daily basis. Protocols are a way for the slave to “come present” with her slavery. Mastering the Protocols is something like mastering a dance form; it takes daily practice and focused concentration until the movements and processes become second nature.
Grace, Elegance, and Lucidity
Master seeks to build an environment that exudes grace and elegance.
- The slave is responsible for identifying and employing ways of incorporating graceful movement into her presentation and style.
- The slave is expected to have and to use high-level language skills. She will use correct grammar and develop a vocabulary commensurate at least with that of a person entering graduate school.
- The slave is responsible for learning a pleasing vocal tonality, modulating her voice, and enunciating her words.
- The slave is responsible for being sensitive to her dress and appearance at all times. The slave is expected to be slightly overdressed on all public occasions.
The concepts expressed in this section represent one of my “Core Values.” I’m not interested in having sloppy service or sloppy people around me. When I go out in public, I’m neatly dressed; I expect my slave to be as well or better dressed than I am. I’m not interested in hearing “butchered English” from my slave.
In the broadest sense, the slave is always to be serving the idea or concept of the Relationship, seen through proxies such as:
- Physical appearance and bearing;
- Following specified exercise routines;
- Orderliness of the home and the car.
There are certain behaviors that carry beyond times when the slave is physically with Master. In our case, I care how my slave looks and how neat her car appears. I’m not comfortable around clutter, and I enjoy a culture where the women are always coiffed and dressed – particularly to go shopping or to get on an airplane. Also, I care that my slave does not appear hurried when in public. I require a graceful gait. My slave knows how to take her seat like a lady.