“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”Federico García Lorca
She dropped her face coyly. Her cheeks turned subtle hues of carnation and coral. Her hair was long and curly and dripping wet, gracefully covering her collar bone, barely outstretched to the tips of her supple nipples, now hardened by His stare. His quiet desire and stern presence. The way He spoke, gently but with force. There was heat that burned underneath the surface when He needed to release, an undetectable storm. Her eyes averted downwards, she kept silent. The anticipation left her breathless. She was sitting on her hands, her fleshy hips and thighs spread like butter from the pressure. Her torso was elongated. Lips pink. Eyes black. She was naked. He sat just in front of her, fully clothed, His eyes piercing her body. He talked calmly and without urgency. The cadence and intonation made her swell inside, giving form to landscapes and lakes, softly lulling her into Him. She felt herself fill and deepen. She knew that she was about to be broken open. He’d requested that she wait this way, upon His arrival, and ten minutes afterwards, without touch of any kind. She could hardly remember any words He spoke, because her mind was so transfixed on the fire. Her entire being had flooded, and she became the Sun.
This scene was particularly guileless and direct. It told of her own power and strength, of being stripped and taut. It presented her devotion and His control, her beauty and His power. They experienced scenes more heart-wrenching, more pliable and complex, than this, and yet, the light always came. She quickly understood, that this light, was a mere experience of herself.
Though the process of transformation can be conjured and completed in a myriad of ways, the Master/slave relationship was significant to her own alchemical process. She had an intense yearning to discover exactly why this experience was so life-changing. It wasn’t just physical. It murdered and molded aspects of her. It truly allowed her to explore the depths of herself. She combined neuropsychology, the science of human behavior, occult/spiritual principles, and her own lived experiences to cultivate this piece.
While physical alchemy is concerned with altering and transforming the properties within matter, spiritual alchemy is concerned with freeing your spiritual self which is trapped within you by your humanity, your fear, and your attachment to your perceived identity. Spiritual alchemy is the process of freeing you from your core wounds, core beliefs, and your humanity, so that you may live freely and unobstructed. Existing in “pure being,” or living your life through Spirit, is the ultimate state of transformation – the gold – of spiritual alchemy.
BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Submission, Sadomasochism. It sounds like a form of sexual expression highlighting the harshness of inflicting and receiving pain. Yet the practice is actually more cooperative and mutually gratifying than the term might imply. For in BDSM, the submissive willingly grants the dominant power over them, and they do so out of trust and respect. This transferring of control is commonly called, “The Gift” – that it, it’s an arrangement – not coercive, but consensual. And the “gift” itself is an agreed upon “power exchange.”
The interplay of dominance and submission is an ancient war form, an art. The neuropsychological component of this union begins at birth and resides until death. As humans, we dance among barriers and burdens, internalizing pain from our mother’s womb and inflicting it back upon our bodies through monochromatic thoughts and linear analysis of self. We heed her words and her turmoil, until they become our own, often practicing compliance, or oppositional, unresponsive submission.
When the magic seeps from our wide eyes as children, we begin to limit each and every idea we conjure. We experience such an intense inner conflict because we haven’t yet learned how to separate her voice from our own. From places of sadness, we create, and we yearn not only for this void to be filled, but to excavate the caverns within and expand beyond them. This void feels like incomplete madness, an inability to shun our inner critic, spiraling internal chaos, and torment.
The Mind is All. The Universe is Mental
A Master then steps in to bring the hidden trauma to surface, or the subconscious mind to light: the shame, the anger, the guilt, the pain. It is given direction and flow. They pull apart and reveal the darkness, forcing light to emerge, as in the wheel of karma.
“A D/s relationship, in its truest form, is all about the submissive. It’s all about her wants, her needs, her fantasies. Some of her desires may be conscious, but others may be locked within her subconscious. A Dom’s job is to build a bond so strong with her that she feels safe enough, connected enough with him, to unleash her creativity and to explore her innermost self. Through submission, she actually becomes empowered because she connects with her body, heart, and mind in much deeper ways.”Moore
This experience is deeply lock and key. It cannot be replicated or converged with just any person. There must be a certain level of trust, honesty, communication, and respect (The Four Pillars). A perfect Master is firm, strong, attentive, and sure, but also soft, vulnerable, emotionally open, and expressive.
“You possess a gentle soul. At times it seems as if your ribs are unable to sustain the heaviness of your heart. That can be troubling. I know that pain far too well. It seems as if your consciousness is lost in dark places. But you prefer to bask in sunlight. You’re a flower. The moon has its advantages but you were meant to be seen during the day. You were meant to be visible. To be heard. I wasn’t hearing you. Maybe I simply didn’t want to. And I apologize for that.”
A Master is symbolic of the divine masculine, whom merges with the divine feminine in healing and creation.
Once the mind is captivated, the body will be stimulated. And usually the body communicates, before the mind can. The senses intuit spirit, and it moves through this act. Science calls the brain the biggest sex organ:
“Using fMRI, scientists have pinpointed a number of regions of the brain that kick in when people feel sexual desire. As expected, several of them are in the temporal lobe. One of those regions, the amygdala, orchestrates powerful emotions. (Emotions are messages from Spirit) Another, the hippocampus, manages our memories. (Memories extend to past lives. In being formless, we know what kind of ecstasy our true form rests in) It may become active as we associate sights and smells with past sexual experiences. But despite what Freud thought, sexual experiences are not just a matter of primal emotions and associations. The parts of the brain that light up in the fMRI scans include regions that are associated with some of our most sophisticated forms of thought. The anterior insula, for instance, is what we use to reflect on the state of our own bodies (to be aware of the sensation of butterflies in the stomach, say, or of lightness in the head). Brain regions that are associated with understanding the thoughts and intentions of other people also seem linked with sexual feelings.”Zimmer
We know that sexual feelings, or desire, brim when our bodies are talking through us, and when spirit is in agreeance with what we need to feel – to unlock something within ourselves. Desire is divine, too. Emotions, bodily sensations, and thought patterns are always communicating with us, about our life force. How we ascend is by listening to ourselves, and trusting that our God-force is always working with us, and for us.
Pain & Pleasure
The mind must be silenced. Those harping words and self-deprecating thoughts, the questions of worthiness and inadequacy, the constant conflict and self-loathing – the mind needs to be placed in limbo, in trance states. To receive. Something will break within you, during that time. Physical pain becomes a conduit for the emergence of emotional pain, bringing it to the surface and healing it through the immersion of bliss. It is this physical pain, matched by the intensity of the Master’s desire to inflict it and to see the slave pour out, that is so intoxicating.
The slave may not a particularly vulnerable person, although she may appear to be so. This form of energetic exchange will wake you up to your own feelings of divinity by peeling back those layers through pain.
“I know when you get lost in dark spaces, because I can’t find you. I know when you feel like running away. You’ve done it before. So all we have is right now. I’ll never wipe away your tears if I, or you, feel that they’re necessary to purge you of whatever unwanted entity or emotion that resides. That’s not how I operate. I feel things.”
The slave may be very dominating, controlling, neurotic, compulsive, and reactionary in real life. She may tend to make the majority of the decisions in her personal relationships. She may feel as though she is always doing massive amounts of mental and emotional labor, swirling and chaotic. When she is experiencing massive amounts of internal conflict, the Master must extract that darkness, through her mind. To have all of that lifted from her, and to be able to move with certainty and precision – It will make her feel light, and so free.
Someone else is leading. Someone else is making decisions for her. Decisions based on her needs, and her pleasure. The Master directs the space, only leaving room for reception – This is done through the art of giving simple commands, reading her energy, and trusting His spirit to guide His body. The Master simplifies and clears her internal workings through His clarity and control and because of His control, she feels unusually calm and confident. She is absolutely sure of who she is in those moments: light.
“I finally experienced the nirvana that is letting go.”
The Master can describe this experience as performing an exorcism, because He essentially silences her resistance, and everything in her that told her she wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t doing enough. She wasn’t capable or worthy or powerful. Everything that constituted her own darkness. During that rapture, she is in His control and she is protected. Being petted while being punished, and then hearing of a job well done feels like getting gold stars in school. In all of her ineptness, she is able to meet His every need, quench His unformidable desire. She is encouraged, praised, adored, respected, admired, trusted, and most importantly, felt. The slave is allotted the encouragement, the time, and the space to intrinsically pull apart her darkness and allow herself to be immersed in her own light. Her mind enters a space of limbo, of nothingness. She may cry and move her head back and forth, silently saying “no,” because she can’t even wrap her mind around what is happening to her body, and her spirit.
All she has to do is receive.
“Mental domination can create longer lasting, deeper bonds that lead ultimately to more fulfilling relationships.”
After these intensive scenes, something called sub-drop occurs. Sub-drop mirrors a crash from a high. It is one’s body entering a dissociative space, where aftercare is vital. One enters a realm of such intense bliss, and euphoria that coming back to this world and to yourself, here in this realm, feels like death. She may fall into a trance state, or a deep sleep, in whatever position she is in. She will need a lot of comfort, good filling food, and warmth. Sometimes, she may have no memory of that initial drop.
“I had a growing sense of responsibility. It can feel like a newborn baby learning how to walk, and you just have to make sure that they don’t hurt themselves. And so, you sit there and provide gentle comfort. You would go into a place where you weren’t making any sounds, maybe lowly moaning, eyes closed, shaking. So, I would just observe you, and let you be, and I would make sure to be absolutely present when you became cognizant again.”
The Process of Spiritual Alchemy Simplified
- Calcination: Heating and decomposing raw matter. Breaking through our conscious mind. Gaining awareness.
- Dissolution: Inner tension surfaces. We come face to face with the negative aspects of ourselves.
- Separation: Experience the full and deep spectrum of our emotions.
- Conjunction: Acceptance of all parts of ourselves. More unconscious thoughts and feelings emerge.
- Fermentation: Two Parts. 1. The decomposition of our former selves – the process of inner death. 2. Letting go of what no longer serves us, and witnessing the emergence of new light. The beginning of rebirth.
- Distillation: Further purification, leading into permanence. Repeated practice of dying and being reborn without succumbing to old habits/patterns. Remaining neutral. Enlightenment.
- Coagulation: Freedom from the mind. Totally merging with the spirit.
Within the experience of this process, the slave will feel ALL of the aforementioned. At the most basic level, we vibrate on the wavelength of love. It doesn’t matter where one is within the human spectrum of emotion, one is always deserving of that innate knowing and understanding. One is always deserving of bliss and unconditional love. A slave will learn that she is worthy of bliss even if she is in a space of turmoil, that she is deserving of pleasure even if she is berating and self-sabotaging her own life. It forces the profound elements that she has hidden so deeply within herself, to rise. She will learn that she is still worthy of having this experience, because it is who she is. She will open up, like ripened fruit to the magnanimity of herself. She will experience honor and worthiness.
The spiritual component of Master/slave relationships envelop the entire alchemical process of release and return. When one is confronted with a trigger and one is allowed release, it is given to spirit to transmute. Through tears, orgasm, pain, etc. – it then surfaces. Crying and raging and feeling is done at such an intimate and profound level within this sacred space. And finally, bliss arrives. She is just waiting to show you who you are. Next is subspace, or stepping out of heaven and back into the real world.
This entire process is then granted permission to happen all over again, reducing your heart to submission and rhythm, to the euphoria that ignites the pain. Your spirit takes your release and molds it over and over, burning it until it doesn’t exist anymore, until it becomes completely separated from your most authentic self.